Mastermind

Who am I as a leader? Am I even a leader? 

I don't know. I am the kind of person who would rather blend in with crowd, not stand out, go with what the majority says. But then again, I am someone who puts themself out there, offers resources, and laughs the loudest.

I was the orientation leader with the fanny pack, clip board, pig tails, running around campus showing first year students around, losing my voice by the end of the day because I was talking and yelling so much. I was the one who orchestrated ice breakers with 200 students and could be heard without a microphone. I was the one who put themself out there to be the person to do the silly thing that would break the tension and anxiety that these students felt as they stood on campus for the first time as a student. 

I am also the person who takes all of the shifts at work where I am alone, postering around campus, headphones in at 7 am when it is just me and the mountains. I did not contribute to the community of that job. Even now, I still do not know all of my coworkers names and I still see most of them on a daily basis. I am embarrassed of myself. 

I have been both these things -  each end of the spectrum -  sometimes at the same time within the same community. But what that has shown me, is that a leader do not need to be the one everyone sees, the one who is always putting themself out there. That you can quietly lead and guide the path that others take to get to the destination. 

As a leader, I am someone who sees everything. I notice when someone silences another, when someone is excluded, when there are inequalities and differences within groups. I see these things happening and work to correct them, to make sure that everyone feels as though they are a part of a community. I am a compassionate leader who wants to make everyone feel welcome. 

I have become a mastermind, someone who lays the ground work and just like clockwork watches the dominos fall in a line because I listen and watch.  I pull the strings to make things work for others, and sometimes, others do not even know that I laid the groundwork for them.